But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
