Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
