you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
