I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize