I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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