I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
