I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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