I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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