rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
