he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
