I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize