Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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