At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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