The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
