Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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