I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
