There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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