you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
