Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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