If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
this hospital has no fireball
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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