so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
