I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
