that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize