Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
