I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
