plz talk dirty to me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
