I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
