I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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