Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
