oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
