Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
