Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
