Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
