Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
