I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
