no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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