Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
