Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
