I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
