dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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