I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
