Yo dont text me then not text me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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