therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
