That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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