i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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