I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
