I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
