you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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