Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
