I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
