Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
