Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
