Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
