Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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