you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
