If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
whose parrot is this?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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