So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
