Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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