Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
