Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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