Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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