whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize