Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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