I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is the high leading the old right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
