She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize