if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
