I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
