the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
