I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
