i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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