She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
