Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
